Has sex with your partner lost some of the steaminess it had when you first hooked up? Well, have no fear. Just because the ‘honeymoon phase’ of your relationship is over, it doesn’t mean that the great sex has to be. You just need to find some ways to put a spark back into your love life.
There are many ways to bring passion back to your sex life - most of which revolve around breaking old habits and trying new things. Here are just a handful of suggestions for some different ways you can spice things up.
Break the Routine
The first step in adding spice back into your love life is to get rid of any routines. For instance, having sex every Saturday night at 11 p.m. When trying to juggle busy lives, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of making love at the same time every week. However, sex shouldn’t be viewed as a chore that you have to fit in around your other ‘duties’. Try throwing a wrench in your schedule – have sex in the morning before work or go for a quickie while dinner is cooking.
Mirror Mirror
We are visual creatures, yet many of us forget about this important sense when it comes to lovemaking. Sure, you may check out your partner – but what about watching both of you together? Having sex in front of a mirror is an easy yet effective way to steam things up. And don’t let self-consciousness stop you from trying this. If you don’t want to keep the lights on, then light enough candles to give you the level of visibility you’re comfortable with (remember – everyone looks great in candlelight!).
Place Some Stakes
Challenge your partner to a game (e.g. board game, cards, pool) where the loser has to please the winner in whatever way he/she chooses. This is a great way to increase arousal as there is mental foreplay happening before any touching occurs. Plus, when was the last time you and your partner played a game together – especially a game where even the loser wound up a winner!
Get Moving
You wouldn’t want to eat the same thing every day - so why would you want to use the same position every time you had sex? It’s easy to get bored when you do the same thing over and over – and the bedroom is the last place you want boredom! Try to keep things fresh by getting creative with your partner and coming up with some new positions. If you need some help, the Kama Sutra book has some interesting ones you can try!
Put it in Writing
There are ways to put passion back into your relationship without requiring the two of you to be in bed together. Try leaving your partner love notes describing all the ways he/she makes you hot. This is a fun way to let your partner know how sexy you find him/her – especially if you’re too shy to say such things face to face. Hide the notes in places like drawers, his/her wallet, or the fridge. Or put a modern spin on things and send your partner an email outlining all the things you want to do to him/her (just make sure you send it to their personal email account!).
New Environment
A change of scenery is a great way to rev things up. Some couples are a little more bold and get off on having sex in risky places like parks or public washrooms. However, not all of us are ‘mile-high’ enthusiasts and would prefer to keep things in the privacy of our own home. But there’s no reason why you must contain all the fun to the bedroom – not when there are kitchen counters, living room floors and showers to try out!
Go on a Date
In many long-term relationships, the phrase ‘going out together’ signifies grocery shopping or taking the kids to Grandma’s. When was the last time just you and your partner went out for dinner (no, fast food doesn’t count) or to a movie? Spending time alone together helps you to reconnect with your partner and strengthen the relationship. This, of course, leads to increased intimacy and better lovemaking.
Plan Ahead
Spontaneity is key to keeping your love life exciting, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t occasionally prepare for sex ahead of time. It’s common in the beginning of a relationship to put in a lot of effort when anticipating a night of passion – like doing your nails, wearing new lingerie, lighting some candles and even putting clean sheets on the bed. Just because you and your partner have been together for a while doesn’t mean there’s no reason to primp and prepare anymore. Not only would your partner appreciate knowing that you still think he/she is worth the effort, but preparing for sex builds excitement and enhances the experience.
Tune In
Many people use porn as a way to add some kinky fun into their love life. So if you are looking for a way to get the fire burning, you may want to give this a try. Adult video stores carry a wide variety of movies, including ones geared specifically towards couples (complete with tastefully-shot sex scenes and even half-decent storylines). One thing that is important with porn though is that you talk with your partner about the kind of movie you are interested in or feel comfortable with. This helps to ensure you will rent something you both will be aroused by.
Act the Part
Role-playing can be a fun way to brighten up a dull love life. Some couples like to get dressed up, meet at a bar and pick each other up. Other couples play their make believe games at home – such as ‘the plumber and lonely housewife’ or ‘the nurse and naughty patient’. Of course, not all of us are drama majors. If acting is not your strong suit you can ease into role-playing simply by wearing clothes that you wouldn’t normally wear. Find out what kind of garbs your partner finds hot and then put on a fashion show!
While we can’t all experience a continuous stream of burning passion, it is possible to maintain occasional eruptions that keep your love life smoking. Just like life, variety is the spice of great sex. And by varying your love life, even in simple ways, you will be able to avoid getting caught in the rut of lackluster sex.